Harry Potter's Random Omake Drabbles
by HarbingerLady
Summary: AU obviously. A collection of random omake drabbles and perhaps not so drabbles of Harry Potter.
1. When Big Bad Spider Wishes To Play

Author's Note: Okay, I know that I've been gone for long (no, really) and this is my way to tell you that I'm still alive and not abandoning my fics. My mom was rather pissed off you see. Although I passed all my exams, she thought that I could be more than just average. Man…though I know that she had some points and told me to lay off fanfiction (or at least lessen it) and study for once (I have never extended effort to my study). She said that I was a bit too much…obsessed with ff. And I realized that she was right.

**When the Big Bad Spider Wishes To Play**

The two teens stared at each other. Their hands were almost touching the goblet in silent understanding. Hogwarts would win the tournament now. Both of its champions would win. Just as their hands moved to touch the seemingly harmless goblet, Harry saw a shadow looming at them from the corner of his eyes.

He turned around in reflex, his mouth opened in silent horror at the sight. The acromantula he had thought to be beaten down already was there, conscious and decidedly hungry, ready to pounce on them. Cedric turned too when he saw the horrified face of his schoolmate.

"Holy," the older boy breathed. All thoughts about the goblet or tournament forgotten.

"RUN!" Harry didn't need to say it twice. Both ran on different direction, almost a second too late before the huge spider slashed the air where they once stood. Its leg hit the goblet, activating the portkey and the spider was portkeyed out of the Hogwarts land, leaving two shocked boys on its wake.

"What the hell?" Cedric voiced out. He didn't know that the goblet was a portkey and neither did Harry. "Is there some other test we don't know about? Or is the goblet is used to portkeyed the champion to a party?"

Harry shrugged in confusion. "I don't know. But whatever it is, I'm just happy that we don't end as acromantula's meals." With the fact that none of them touched the goblet, it would mean that there was no winner. Harry didn't really care. His life and Cedric's were more important. He just hoped that whoever the welcoming committee waiting for the champion on the other end would be prepared for the arrival of a hungry and probably shocked and pissed beast.

**Meanwhile at the Graveyard**

Wormtail felt the portkey was activated and scrambled to the designated spot to greet Harry Potter. How shocked he was when he saw that it wasn't Harry who arrived but a huge black hairy spider that looked disoriented by the portkey's pull. The rat froze on his track and whimpered.

It only took 5 seconds for the spider to shrug off the disoriented feeling. It looked around its surrounding, noticing that it was different from where it once was. His two delicious looking preys disappeared, replaced by a plump man. No matter. The only thing that matter was that the creature in front of him was meat, and meat meant meal, and meal meant no hunger anymore. Its thick saliva dripping from its hungry mouth.

The rat had only had the time to shriek for a second before the spider finished him off in a heartbeat, swallowing the wizard's head completely and bit it. The bundle of flesh that was Voldemort could only watched in horror as the beast feasted upon the one that was supposed to do the ritual for his rebirth. Blood caked the ground and its once brown color was matted with red. Voldemort swallowed when the acromantula turned its attention to him. He had never trusted any God before, but he had now the urge to pray for his life.

Five hours later, the spirit of the dark lord was hovering over the goo of the spider that was once his flesh and his (now unequivocally dead) servant's. He was furious and angry. His seemingly perfect plan was ruined. He was a spirit again and Harry Potter was still alive. Everything had gone wrong on his calculation. Oh, he was still alive, alright. Thanks for his horcruxes. That didn't mean he didn't feel hurt when the accursed spider devoured him alive. The dratted spider was there, slumbering on his father's grave, appearing to be satisfied.

Damn the acromantula to hell! And damn the accursed luck of that dratted boy!

**TBC…**

Okay, it's just random omake that I fleetingly think but can never forget about, so this is the result. Short, really, but then again it _is_ drabble…It _is_ drabble, right? I'm not particularly sure. I'm hoping that I'll have more ideas eventually to add this to my (would be) collection of Harry Potter's Omake Drabbles. Each chapter is random and unrelated to the others (perhaps there will be some exception, but what the hell?). There will be humor here, though perhaps not overly so, but still there. Afterall it is omake.

Anyway don't forget to review, guys!


	2. Don't Stumble Upon Your Feet

Author's Note: here's another. Hopefully you'll like it .

Chapter Two

**Don't Stumble Upon Your Feet Lest You Wanna Die**

General people believed that to kill people so they'd die horribly needed to use dark arts or advanced magic. And they needed intent to kill or torture to make it right.

Well…one Harry Potter dissuaded this common misconception.

The black haired young wizard didn't intend to kill or torture someone, for he only wanted to stop that someone. And he certainly didn't use dark arts for Albus Dumbledore The Great would sooner lock him in Gringotts vault and told the Boy-Who-Lived to confess his crimes to the pastor (starting from his birth by destroying people's eardrums with his wailing to how he forced Dumbledore to drink the foul tasting and hallucination inducing potion in the inferi invested cave, never mind that it was him who told Harry to do it) before he could ever think of letting him delved into said black arts.

After Dumbledore was killed by that treacherous potion master (whether it was true or not, or that Snape had secret agreement or reason with Dumbledore didn't matter), the death eaters and Draco Malfoy ran from the Astronomy Tower, where the headmaster of Hogwarts now laid perfectly still. With the petrification charm dissolved, fueled by his anger and demand to know why Snape, the one Dumbledore spent his time to tell his order (and especially Harry) to trust, killed him in cold blood, Harry Potter followed them, wand in hand.

Well, perhaps Harry Potter did have ill will for said potion master…and his death eaters, but let's just forget that.

Running down the stairs with his fast speed (even if he was not on his broom) he quickly caught up with the group. Growling in anger, Harry casted a tripping hex to the last person that was coincidentally was Draco Malfoy. Like domino cards, they fell down the stairs, causing the black haired boy to actually stop his running and watched them with an involuntarily wince.

That seemed rather hurt.

It was also unfortunate for the wizards falling down the stairs that the castle felt like moving around its stairs. While Harry stumbled and had to grab handrails to steady himself, the other wizards didn't have the luxury to do that. And when they reached the end of moving stair, they all fell down to their (obviously would be simultaneous) deaths with wails of horror.

The Boy-Who-Lived could only watch with fascinated wide eyes as he heard the sound of loud SPLAT from the bottom of the tower, not even realizing that the staircase had stopped moving altogether, placed in different position. Releasing his grip from the rail he found that it was no easy task, as his legs wobbled. The young wizard was still in shock that his simple tripping hex led to such disastrous result…well not so disastrous per se, but you get the meaning.

Warily the sixteen year old boy cast lumos charm and peered his head from the rail to see below him, the light illuminated the tower like a giant torch. There on the bottom, he could see thick liquid that had sprayed the whole floor and even covering part of the wall that was undoubtedly the blood of the death eaters. There were bundles of unidentified flesh that were parts of their bodies.

It was messy

It was a grim picture

It was traumatizing picture

Harry Potter swallowed

But slowly a satisfied smile bloomed and the giddy feeling appeared.

It was the day that was marked as the day of the birth of the Boy-Who-Was-Scarily-Creepy. Said boy who had gotten his label changed had started to make the most gruesome deaths with the use of simple everyday charms (and the not so everyday charm too, I guess) even more terrifying than by the use of dark arts and the so called advanced magic…_if_ you know the right way to use it of course. And as we already knew, Harry Potter had quite the creativity and imagination to help him.

May God had mercy upon the death(-ly terrified) eaters for Harry was sure as hell wouldn't give it.

Like I said…You didn't need dark arts to kill or maim people. No need to exert your magic to use advanced magic when you could use simple spell, right?

**End**

Apparently I had gotten so used to writing series fic that in the last chapter I wrote **TBC**. Pardon me for my mistake.


	3. How to Kill Off a Family Line

Author's Note: it sounds dark for the first half of the fic, but wait until you reach the end. It is longer than the first two chapters. Don't know if it can be called drabble. It looks more like a oneshot to me.

Chapter Three

**How to End a Family Line**

Lucius Malfoy was currently in a monitored room guarded by two aurors in St. Mungo. Currently the man was writhing in pain. He couldn't sleep because his body was incredibly sore all over and even the slightest move would make him reel in pain, disabling him from sleeping. His nose was broken in such angle that if he changed his platinum hair into black greasy hair he could be mistaken as the sour ex-potion master of Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft of Wizardry. His arms were broken and had to have wooden board to support them unless he wanted to aggravate his wounds further and discouraged his recovery (not that the medics wanted him to recover but their ethics and order from the higher up prevented them from poisoning his food). And that was why he couldn't touch his source of discomfort right now: his (now) flattened family jewels that had been his pride for decades.

Apparently, according to the grinning auror that had seen first hand what happened to one of Voldemort's top death eaters, he had a run in with one Harry Potter. The lad, realizing that he didn't have permission to use unforgivable to off the man nor did he was permitted to use magic in the summer when he hadn't reached 17 years old, was being creative when he had the upper hand in the fight.

**Flashback**

The elder Malfoy, garbed in death eater robe and mask, was cursing the writhing Harry Potter with cruciatus with a malicious smile, his family laid dead outside Platform 9 ¾ by killing curse, his friends had escaped from the station with their families so they were safe at the moment, Harry would have go with them, but he was worried for his relatives that were supposed to be in station, but when he was outside the barrier, he already found them dead. Harry gritted his teeth and in a moment of anger he ignored the pain, stood up from the floor and launched himself to the wide eyed wizard. After snatching his wand and broke it like a twig, he threw a right hook to the man's jaw, effectively breaking it and disabling his ability to speak.

Not satisfied yet, he grabbed his long hair roughly, and shoved his face into nearby concrete column as hard as possible, breaking his nose and slinging his the joint of his shoulder and arm. Blood poured out of his broken nose and Harry could see him crying out in pain. He threw the man's body to the ground, ignoring the commotion around the station. The muggles were running out of the station, thinking that it was a terrorist attack, and those that had been left behind watched with unblinking eyes as the previously beaten up boy now had the upper hand. The aurors were attacking the death eaters and guarding the parents and the students of Hogwarts and the other muggles by chance.

Harry looked down upon the once proud and beautiful man moaning in pain beneath him, standing above him. He watched him with raging emerald eyes. "_Malfoy_," he hissed the name, unconsciously switching into parseltongue, causing the man to shiver, as it reminded him of his master. "I'm very _delighted_ to see you," although his son didn't kill Dumbledore directly, nevertheless he was the one that allowed Hogwarts to get attacked from inside and in turn caused his death by Severus Snape who did it to save his cowardly hide, effectively causing the society into disarray by the Head of Wizzengamot's death. He looked at the wand on his right hand, serious contemplating for a moment, before he slipped it back into its holster. "I think it'll be more satisfying if I take a direct approach for you, no?" the young wizard hissed, before he dodge a hex launched by a death eater that hadn't been distracted by the aurors. Narrowing his eyes, Harry drew his wand and sent a reducto hex, blowing off his wand arm. The man was screaming his head off, as he clutched the bloody stump of what was once his arm. Harry switched back his attention to his first victim. "Let's continue, shall we?" Lucius whined in fear, while some frightened spectators were watching in silent anticipation, hiding as best as they could. Though the boy had obviously the enemy of these terrorists, they couldn't help to be frightened and awed at the same time, especially by his cold freezing eyes that promised pain to his foes. They couldn't avert their eyes, as Harry began.

Three minutes was all it taken for Harry to reduce the proud man into bleeding flesh of hysteric hopelessness and blowing off 5 other death eaters' bodies with his well-placed reducto. The aurors had started to gain the upper hand in the fight, as more and more of them arrived to the King's Cross Station. Remus had to grab his shoulders from behind to separate the struggling boy who wanted to have another go at the shivering mass of death eater who was curling his body in attempt to save his now broken tool of reproduction. Harry had planted his feet there quite viciously, intending to end Malfoy line.

"Lemme go, Remus!" Harry screamed loudly, as he struggled to free himself, but the werewolf had a strong grip, although he had to use all his strength to restrain the young man. Merlin, Harry wasn't as strong as like this when he refrained him from joining Sirius entering the void.

"I will let you go if you promise to not kill him, Harry! Calm down!" Remus shouted.

Harry panted harshly, there was still that insane look on his eyes. He took a deep breath and said, "Fine, I won't kill him!" he promised. The gray haired man started to release his grip, and Harry snatched his hands from his hold. He sent another volley of kicks to the whimpering man in the floor.

"Harry!"

Harry turned around and looked at the amber eyed man in the eye. "What?" he threw his hands. "Another kick won't kill him!"

Remus sighed and grabbed his wrist, leading him away from the scene, ignoring the looks sent to them from the hiding people. "Come on, Harry!" They side-apparated out of the scene, leaving the obliviators to handle the muggles.

**End Flashback**

Unfortunately for the Malfoy's Head of Family, when he would be claimed to be recovered enough, a trial for his crimes would be set up for him by Madame Bones. He would be tossed to Azkaban after his stay in St. Mungo.

It was two months later that Harry and friends had the chance to see Draco Malfoy on their hunt of horcruxes. The slytherin boy was hell bent in revenge for what Harry had done to his father. He was currently tailing the trio with his wand in hand, ready to curse them at any moment. The boy smirked as he pointed his wand.

"Reducto," unfortunately for him, a laughing muggle girl was just exiting a clothes shop with her friend and the hex was caught by her paper bag that she was swinging on the air. The red haired girl and her brunette friend watched in shock, as the goods that they had just bought were blown up. Wide eyed, they watched their tattered remain of goods in the ground. Slowly they turned their heads to the angry Malfoy who was cursing and pointed his wand at them in rage. The platinum haired culprit was shaking in disbelief and ready to kill them from interrupting his chance. No doubt that Harry and his friends had heard the explosion by now.

He was ready to apparate at any moment when the red haired girl grabbed the collar of his robe and socked him in the face with a hard punch. Draco cried out, clutching his now broken and bleeding nose and pointed his wand at the raging girl, ready to hex her. Before he could open his mouth, however, the girl who thought that the wand was a weapon caught his wrist and twisted it before tossing the wand away.

It was an unfortunate day for the wizard named Draco Malfoy as his opponent was well versed in martial art. Growing up in family of police as father, karate instructor for army as brother, hard assed lawyer as mother, and what was once a leader of green barret team as grandfather, the red haired girl was a hard core martial artist.

Throwing the heavier man to the air, punching and kicking him even until he landed on the ground, she gave him a kick on his abdomen, breaking his ribs and throwing him a well 3 meters from his first spot. Unsatisfied yet, she released another volley of attack, ignoring her friend's attempts to stop her. She was beyond furious right now.

Meanwhile in the sideline, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were watching the spectacle in silence. Harry and Ron had gleeful looks on their face, while Hermione looked aghast, a hand covered her opened mouth.

"Bloody hell, that girl is barmy!" Ron shouted, actually sympathizing with Malfoy and winced when the girl socked him in the jewel. "Think we need to rescue Malfoy?" he asked his grinning friend.

Harry whirled his body in shock. "What? Are you crazy? Why do you want to stop her from ending the Malfoy line, a mission that I first start with his father, remember?"

"Harry!" Hermione cried out in protest.

Harry pouted and then sighed. "Well, if you want to stop her, go ahead," he tilted his head in challenge.

Hermione and Ron turned at the crazed girl. None of the spectators was brave enough to help the poor guy in the floor, though some of them called police from their cells. "Um…I think I'll pass!" Ron gulped.

"I think I'm going to pass it too," Hermione winced, as she saw the girl flipped Malfoy in the air and let him fell down to the earth with a loud crash. Harry tapped his chin for a moment before he smiled and walked toward the girl. "Um…Harry? Where are you going?" she asked worriedly. "You're not going to rescue him, are you? You'll end up as a pince meat!" she cried out in panic, waving her hand frantically.

Harry approached the heaving girl that was glaring angrily at the whimpering wizard and tapped her in the shoulder. "What?" she snapped. She was actually surprised when she saw a black haired boy giving her a smile.

"May I congratulate for a well done job for finishing up my lifetime mission?" Harry gave her a charming smile. The red haired girl blushed.

"…" Hermione was speechless. Ron actually guffawed. The red haired girl's brunette friend stared at Harry with an odd look. Usually, other boys would be running like headless chicken by now, instead of complimenting her friend for a job well done.

"Your lifetime mission?" she asked shyly, playing with her shoulder length red hair.

"Why, yes. You see, my mission is to rid the world of Malfoy, which he is. I had crippled his father's ability to produce the next generation of Malfoy just two months ago. I would do the same to Draco Malfoy here, if only I could find him. May I know your name, lovely lady?" he kissed the back of her palm, causing her to giggle. Both had forgotten completely about the whimpering boy in the ground. When the young Malfoy let out a pained moan, Harry gave him a swift kick to his ribs without looking. The girl looked at him approvingly.

"Why, kind sir. My name is Lenora Island," by now people were shaking their heads in disbelief at the conversing couples, still afraid to approach her like the black haired young man did. Lenora's friend was trying not to gag at the obvious case of flirting from both parts. She couldn't believe that there was a guy as psychotic as her friend. God forbid he was worse than her.

"Oh my God. How could Harry say that?"

"Uh, Hermione, this is Harry that had done the same or even worse to Malfoy's father that we're talking about, remember?"

"…Oh…right…" she muttered, as they saw the now smiling Harry conversing (read: flirting) with the now quite flattered girl, if the rosy cheeks she sported was any indication. Her brunette friend was sighing and sent them a weak smile that told them she too understood their problem from having a psychotic friend and she sympathized with them.

The couple walked away, with Harry leading the way, ignoring the sound of aching whimper and the loud sound of police car's siren. Their friends reluctantly followed the two, but not before Hermione snatched Malfoy's forgotten wand in the ground. The wizards and witch were sure that the aurors would sort of the mess soon

The two brunette girls and one red haired boy could only hope the two wouldn't wind up married and had mini psychotic children like them else the world was doomed and Voldemort be damned as he would be the last thing people ever thought about in their mind.

**End**

So? What d'ya think? Both father and son got the same rough treatment! The timeline is post HBP, btw.


	4. How to Overcook An Egg

Author's Note: This week has been pure hell to me. Not because of my mark (coz it's just first weeks of collage), but because I caught goiter/goiter (and still has it till now)…whatever…I'm not even sure it's the right name. My jaw is swelling (and god damn it fucking hurts!) and I look as if I've just gotten and added weight of 10kg in a day! Not to mention that my ears feel as if it is being stabbed continuously and my throat hurts! Hell, I haven't eaten rice or bread or any big meal (it hurts to open my mouth to eat like usual, the pain discourage me from eating anything solid and I had to live off jelly drink to make sure I don't get stomach disorder) ever since night Friday till today (another Friday) and since I have no carbohydrate enter my body for so long my body feels so weak as I have no energy to walk for long. Thank God for painkiller or I'd have cried more than I already did, which were already a lot. My jaw feels as if it is wired shut. By God, when will it heal?

Btw, I don't care about Hagrid's accent!

Chapter Four

**Mind the Temperature Unless You Want Your Egg Overcooked**

Hagrid was humming down a tune of…well something, as he threw the firewood onto the fire. The water in the big cauldron was steaming and he was sure that the egg inside it felt comfortable with the warm (AN: yeah right) temperature. The half giant plopped down his head on his hands and watched the egg with hopeful smile.

Four hours later the smile turned into bored frown. When would the dragon hatch? How long he needed to wait? He wanted to play with the dragon already! Perhaps it wasn't warm enough?

With that thought in mind Hagrid shoved the rest of the firewood, letting the flame went brighter.

Now he would see his cute little dragon soon. He only needed to give the fire more fuel.

An hour later Hagrid wiped the sweat from his forehead. Now that he thought about it, the air felt hot, really _really_ hot.

There was a knock on his door, startling the huge man. He darted nervous eyes on the door, hoping that it was Harry, and not someone who didn't know about the existence of dragon egg in his hut.

"Who is it?"

"It's us, Hagrid!" he breathed a sigh of relief when he recognized Harry's voice. "By Merlin, just how hot is the temperature inside? It's already hot enough outside," the boy asked from behind the door. When Hagrid opened the door, letting the smoke and steam to be let out, the three students yelped and scrambled off as fast as they could from the hut. "Jesus! What the hell are you trying to make, Hagrid? Overheated sauna?" Harry yelled out in alarm, fanning his face with his hand and stepping away from the scorching hut, his friends followed his action.

"Of course not. I'm just trying to make the egg hatch faster," Hagrid looked affronted at the accusation.

"That's one big fire," Ron commented slackjawed.

"Hagrid, you're going to burn your hut if you continue this!" Hermione shouted.

"Nonsense. My hut is perfectly alright," he waved the girl's concern away, just like he usually did when facing his 'cute' animals.

Knowing that it was no luck speaking to Hagrid about his dragon, Harry put a hand on Hermione's shoulder and shook his head. The three had heard about Hagrid's notorious penchant from the seniors.

"Hagrid, we're going back to the castle," Harry informed.

"Eh, you're not going to have afternoon tea with me first?" he tilted his head toward the hut, earning him looks of disbelief.

"Unlike you, Hagrid, we can't stay in a place hotter than even the desert," Ron grumbled in annoyance. "We're supposed to be in Scotland, not Sahara Desert."

"Bye, Hagrid," the half giant looked a bit dejected at the refusal. Well at least they visited him…even if it was only for 10 minutes tops.

Halfway through the castle the trio was alarmed when they heard explosion coming off from Hagrid's hut direction. The three looked at each other in horror. "I've told him!" Hermione shrieked after Harry first ran to the hut, hoping that Hagrid would be okay. When they arrived there, they found Hagrid sniffling in front of the burnt ruin of his hut. The fire was stopped when Hagrid poured water from nearby big container. The ground around the former hut was drenched.

"Hagrid, are you okay?" the black haired wizard asked the sobbing giant. It was disconcerted to see a big man crying in front of him. The man didn't answer. Harry and his friends sighed.

"Hey, where's the egg?" Ron whispered. His friends shook their heads and searched for it. Hagrid at this time was no help.

"Harry, Ron, it's here," Hermione called them up. She pointed at a blackened egg with smoke sizzling from the cracks on the giant egg. "Ugh, what's that smell?"

"Smell like burnt flesh. It's not Fang, right?"

"The egg looked a little overcooked," Ron dumbly spoke. "You think it's the dragon flesh that is burnt? It'll certainly tell us about the egg's cracks and why it's not moving," Hagrid apparently heard this and sobbed harder and louder.

"Great job, Ron," Harry and Hermione admonished.

"But I'm not the one who was so eager burning his own hut!" Ron protested, causing Hagrid to wail and projected more tears. Ron started to look uneasy from the glares directed at him.

"Ron, you really need to learn tact," the brown haired girl rubbed her forehead. She felt a headache. She was sure that by now other students and/or teachers had seen and heard the explosion and subsequent smoke. Oh well, perhaps this way Hagrid would learn to listen to others and started to become more careful unless he wanted to kill another of his 'fascinating' creature.

TBC…

Sometimes (often actually) I'm angry at Hagrid for being so careless and don't think the consequence when he does something, causing Harry to take the brunt of his foolish attempts by helping him. The dragon problem that caused Harry problem in his first year…I don't see Hagrid helping him with that (or even apologizing to him, come to think of it). Where the hell was he when Harry was avoided by his peers because of him? Why did he not tell McGonagall that it was his fault that Harry was transporting dragon for him? Was he afraid that he would be thrown out of Hogwarts if he spoke? So yes, you see I held some dislike to Hagrid.


	5. You Ought To Remember Your Own Weakness

Chapter Five

**You Ought to Remember Your Weakness**

It was hopeless. There was no way he could win. Voldemort was too strong and too experienced, unlike his 17 years old self. He had undergone many rituals to strengthen his power, while he didn't dare to do it for fear of ministry's and public's onslaught if they ever caught wind of this (which they surely would be).

His magic was spent.

Damnit, Voldemort was now mortal! The horcruxes were all destroyed. This should be his chance to kill him for once and all, but unfortunately it seemed that he was still too weak to go against him face to face without outside's interference at this time. Where was his luck when he most needed it?

His body was slammed to the ground roughly by a blast of magic that came from the brother wand of his phoenix wand. Voldemort was careful not to create another Priori Incatatem.

"Harry!" his red headed friend yelled in alarm. He was trying to save him, but was forced to duck when spells were flying toward him. Hermione was busy transfiguring animals to protect and attack at the same time.

"So this is your end, Potter," Voldemort hissed. "You have eluded me for so long and cost me my horcruxes, and you'll pay for that. The world will come to realize my might fully after I kill you!" he cackled. Instead of sending avada kedavra to his way (seemed like Voldemort learned something after all), the dark lord's body twitched for a moment before he transformed into a huge black basilisk.

There were cries of shock from everyone in the battlefield. The death eaters quickly averted their eyes from their spots, afraid to see their master's eyes accidentally even though it was still closed.

Harry blinked in disbelief. 'Did he just—' he didn't finish that thought as he conjured a group of rooster and forced them to crow.

The basilisk hissed in agony. It trashed around the ground.

Harry noticed that it was trying to turn back into human. Gathering the last of his magic, Harry sent a hex to lock Voldemort in his animagus form. There were horrified gasps from his death eaters, but Harry paid it no heed.

Bleeding, shaking, and exhausted, Harry watched as the huge snake fell to the ground and created a small tremor. It twitched for a moment before it stopped completely. As their master died, all the death eaters felt a surge from their marks, which was not a good thing for them. The next thing happened was that they were all screaming helplessly on the ground. Their screams sent chills to their opponents. The death eaters joined their master to the grave.

…

"…Well this is convenient," he spoke, cutting the tense silence of the battlefield.

"That's kind of anticlimactic," was that a tone of disappointment he heard coming from Hermione?

"Yea," Ron added a cent in. "I can't believe that he did something so stupid like that just a moment away from glory!"

"Which worked to our advantage," the black haired wizard sighed before he let his body dropped to the ground, feeling weak and breathless. "Wake me up in a week, will ya mate?" he asked.

"Will do, Harry," Ron nodded.

Harry let sleep claimed him. His luck hadn't failed him yet and for that he was thankful. If there was another dark lord raising, he'd left him to others, while he vacationed to some peaceful place where hopefully had lots and lots of hot chicks around.

Hermione snorted. "Men," she muttered, apparently she heard him mutter about hot chicks before he slept.

**The End**

Pretty dark and there wasn't much humor, but a story is still a story, right?


	6. Botched Poison, Or Is it?

Author's Note: the timeline of this shot is vague for I don't think where to put this into the timeline, but it's after the second book: Chamber of Secret.

Status: unedited (and most likely will never be edited:D grins)

Botched Poison…Or is it?

It was cold in the Slytherin common room, but Draco Malfoy put no heed for the temperature. He was dedicatedly focusing all of his attention to the small transparent vial on his right hand. On the table in front of him a silver cauldron was filled with bubbling foul colored orange liquid. A malicious smirk was slowly forming on his lips.

"If this doesn't work, nothing will," he giggled, no, chuckled, he was too manly for giggling like a girl. "Soon, Harry Potter will be no more and no one will stand on my way. Sleep well tonight, Potter, for perhaps it will be your last!" he then laughed loudly.

"SHUT UP! I'm trying to sleep here!"

"Augh!" A thrown clock landed on his face, causing him to drop the vial right on his foot. His boot was sizzling, as if acid poured into it.

"GYARRGHHHH!!!!!!!!"

The Golden Trio was doing homework, well actually more like Ron trying to make reason to _not_ do the homework while Hermione shot down all of his so-called reasons, when Harry looked up from his half finished essay and put down his quill to the table, frowning.

Hermione noticed his strange behavior. "What is it, Harry?"

"Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Ron inserted.

"That! That painful scream, as if something horrible had happened to someone."

"Scream?" the bushy haired witch questioned, fearing for her friend's sanity…or hearing.

"P-painful?" Ron added nervously.

"Never mind. I must be hearing things," he waved his hands when his friends looked at him as if he had lost his marbles. Inwardly, Harry was sure he wasn't hearing things.

Malfoy spent the next two days recovering in the Hospital Wing for his painful blunder, muttering how Potter would soon get his share and how it would be permanent.

Days later, Harry was running down the Gryffindor Tower to Great Hall in hurry. His friends trailed off behind him. Ron's red hair was still messy and he looked sleepy, because he had just woken up. Hermione looked mighty pissed off.

"This is all your fault!" Hermione glared at her friend.

"How come?" he protested.

"You're too difficult to wake up this morning, Ron. Great, now we're going to be late!" Harry jumped two steps of the stairs. "McGonagal is going to kill us!"

"Harry, be careful!" Hermione admonished, but her friend paid no heed.

Malfoy was drumming his fingers impatiently at his house's table. He was waiting for Potter to arrive, but so far the blasted boy hadn't showed up. Where the hell was he?

The blonde had even forced himself to wake up two hours earlier for this day. And Scarface had the gal to now showing up!

Crabbe and Goyle were sitting dumbly beside their boss, wondering why they didn't go to class like the other students. Unfortunately for them, Malfoy wasn't even aware that the others had dispersed to go the their own classes, for he was staring at the door where Gryffindor usually arrived from.

He blinked and grinned victoriously when the trio arrived breathlessly, bur frowned when they ran out of the Great Hall.

"But Harry! We haven't eaten breakfast yet!" Potter's sidekick cried out.

"So?" Potter snapped. They had to hurry so they could reach their Transfiguration class before McGonagal came.

Malfoy was fuming and his lackeys were edging away when they saw smoke came out of his red ears. "Erm, Draco? Are you alright?"

The blonde aristocrat suddenly turned around angrily at his dimwitted goons. "Do I look like I'm alright, huh?" another vial of poison had gone down the drain, because Potter had skipped breakfast. His rant was cut off by the ringing bell. "Shit! The class!" he had forgotten completely about it. He scrambled out of his seat and ran. "Fuck! My bag is still in my room!" he swore. Damn Potter!

Lucius' son had the misfortune to get a detention with Filch that night for his lateness. Apparently McGonagal didn't appreciate his attempt to shift the blame to Potter who looked at him in confusion and indignation. He had to scrub the dirty floor in the dungeon that night—and no magic to help him.

The next day Malfoy prepared to poison The-Boy-Who-Lived at dinner. This time there was no way he would skip breakfast because of sleeping late. But when Potter arrived at great Hall he immediately went to Gryffindor Tower.

"You're not going to eat, Harry?" Neville asked him questioningly.

"Nope. I have eaten in the kitchen," he said with a smile at his roommate.

Draco slammed his head to the table, causing everyone in the great Hall staring at him curiously.

"What's up with him?" Neville frowned.

"I think he had gone…you know!" Harry's finger made a circle as he pointed at his head.

"Ah…" his housemates chorused in understanding. Malfoy did seem to turn a bit loony these past days.

"Damn you, Potter! I hope you die soon!" Malfoy bellowed from his seat. "&#$&$$#"He let out curses that would make sailor blushed.

"Mr. Malfoy!" McGonagal looked at him in alarm.

"Urm, hi?" he squeaked, when he was reminded that he wasn't alone.

The Tranfiguration professor didn't seem impressed. "Twenty points from Slytherin and detention with filch for a week!" his housemates glared at him for reducing their house points.

Malfoy groaned and thumped his head on the table. Harry and the rest of Gryffindors laughed.

The next breakfast he attempted to poison Harry, Hedwig the white owl purposely knocked the goblet which was filled with poisoned pumpkin juice, causing its master to cry out in dismay, but otherwise safe from another murder attempt.

The attempt in lunch also failed after Neville chose that time to be clumsy and threw his half filled plate into Harry's favorite treacle tart. Harry was a bit miffed by the accident, but a quick run to the kitchen where Dobby gave him a basket of his favorite food quickly changed his worsen mood.

The next three days were filled with botched murder attempts. Malfoy wasn't happy and so was Harry, but for different reasons. Harry wasn't happy and starting to get paranoid that his food seemed to be targeted these past days and so he turned to the kitchen to provide meals for him. Ron dutifully followed his best friend.

A purple faced Malfoy was seething. The vial on his hand was filled with the last drops of poison he had created. After this he would only have another vial that could be filled with the poison. The ingredients for this poison were highly illegal, very expensive, and difficult to acquire. He was actually defying his father wish to leave Potter alone for Voldemort. That was why he had to use his own pocket money and by God did it put a dent on his now quite empty pocket, but that time he felt it was worth it. If the attempt didn't work again, he would resort to different method to kill the goddamn brat. Even hiring an assassin would be less expensive than this!

That night Harry squinted his eyes and looked around him suspiciously, while his hands were guarding the filled plate on the table.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Geez, Harry. Will you stop that? No one is going to ruin it!"

"Says you!" he retorted, but took a spoon anyway.

"Take the goblet, take the goblet! Damn it! Take.The.Goddamn.Goblet!" Draco Malfoy whispered furiously, as he watched his nemesis ate.

Harry reached for his pumpkin juice.

"Yes!"

But stopped when Ron shoved it and put a glass in front of his dark haired friend."

"Harry, try this! The elf seemed to have a new menu tonight!" it was a chocolate sundae with strawberry pieces and a mini broomstick to replace the usual umbrella.

"Sure. Hm…you're right, this is good!"

"NOOO!!" Malfoy clenched his palm and gritted his teeth. He was glaring at the youngest Weasley male, as if hoping that he would combust alive. His housemates edging away from him, thinking that they should avoid him when he was in this kind of 'mood'.

Half an hour later, a messy haired Malfoy (he had grabbed his hair in frustration) shouted in triumph when his archrival was holding the goblet.

Unfortunately his shout drew the attention of the black haired boy who—again—was holding back from drinking the poisoned drink, this time in favor to watch the blonde boy suspiciously to determine what he was currently plotting.

"NOOO!!!"

"…I think he went mental, mate!" Ron offered his opinion.

"Ron, that's rude!" the smartest witch in Hogwarts scolded.

"But it's Malfoy! And don't tell me you didn't believe he was mental!"

"…Well…"she trailed off, her cheek was rosy. "That has nothing to do with this!"

"How come?" Ron questioned.

"Because I say so!"

"How come!" he insisted.

Harry rolled his eyes as he watched his friends' ongoing verbal match. He snorted as he brought the goblet to his lips and drink it, not noticing that Malfoy's eyes had triumphed gleam and he was sneering maliciously. He frowned and put away the juice after taking a gulp. The black haired boy stared at his drink strangely. It tasted…different. Not bad, but…different and in fact it had sparked a late memory of his though for the life of his he couldn't remember which one. Did the elves try a new recipe or something?

Shrugging, Harry finished off his drink.

Malfoy looked flabbergasted that his archrival didn't drop dead as soon as he drank the poisoned drink. Why didn't he die? Just a gulp of that thing was supposed to kill even an acromantula! The book said so! Hell, the poison ran through his expensive dragon hide boot like a super acid! So how in the ninth hell the blasted Boy-Who-Lived was still alive? It was impossible! There was no way it could happen!

"What's with the long face, mate?" apparently Ron had finished his standard bickering with Hermione.

"The pumpkin juice tasted different," Harry answered simply.

"Really? Mine did not. Perhaps Dobby put something special on it?" Ron offered his opinion.

"You have a weird face on your face because your pumpkin juice tasted strange?" Hermione asked incredulously. She received a withering glare from her best friend.

"The strange taste reminded me of something. I felt it was important, but funnily my brain couldn't come up with the answer!"

"So it tasted bad?" Ron asked again.

"No, just…different I guess. It tasted pretty good actually," none of the trio knew this, but Draco Malfoy had eavesdropped their conversation. "Maybe I will ask Dobby for more of the drink later when I meet him."

"Hey, can you get another for me, Harry?" Ron asked enthusiastically. He would never say no to delicious treat.

Harry James Potter! Ronald Bilius Weasley!" Hermione shrieked at both of them, causing them to cringe. She soon chewed them on the importance of house elves' welfare. The boys shrunk on their seats.

When almost all of the students left the Great Hall, Malfoy disillusioned the goblet and summoned it to him. He was quite interesting with what his enemy had said. Perhaps he put his poison vial on the wrong drink?

Malfoy curiously stared at the goblet on his hand. While it was almost empty, there was still trace of the juice inside it. Potter said the juice tasted good…

He didn't know what came over him. It felt like his mind was shutting down at the moment. And so, Draco Malfoy, heir of the prestigious pureblood Malfoy family, drank the last of the juice that had been drunken by his archrival no less.

When he recovered from this last bout of idiocy five months later (though he still had to check in from time to time with St. Mungo's specialists—mind and nerve healers—every month for the next twenty years), Malfoy would later write on his secret diary that this was one of his (many) idiotic ideas of Potter-Killing-Attempt (which seemed to be brilliant when he first thought them) that almost succeeded in getting himself killed, and that it should not be repeated, unless he wanted to kill himself.

_And_ if he really wanted to do it, he should do it the easier way. It was damn painful, both the experience of having his insides melt off and the recovery which used foul tasted potions and many other horrible treatments he didn't dare to say. He was lucky he only drank a little of it and he was brought in to Hospital Wing (and later the Emergency Ward in St. Mungo when Pomphrey felt she couldn't help him) just as he dropped to the floor with frothing mouth by his angry (at Malfoy's idiocy) and worried (for Malfoy's life) House Head who incidentally was his godfather.

Drinking a poisoned juice with basilisk venom as an ingredient was a sure way to get someone (or if he wasn't careful, himself) killed.

While Harry didn't know what exactly happened to Malfoy and didn't realize that he took an important part of the event, he and his friends got a laugh out of it. Perhaps Malfoy was truly out of his mind. After all no sane one would drink anything with basilisk venom on it.

The rest of the students couldn't help but agree with them.

**The End**

AN: the idea came to me when I remembered that the basilisk incident surely left Harry with something, like say…immunity to its venom:D


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